Ran out of ideas

I hate to disturb people I really do. I just want to spend time with you. Now I can't even drive you around. Really left with no choice. I really dunno wad to do le heh really confused now. I am trying my best to make things convenient for you, in addition still need to consider if I would be irritating you. Not as easy task. I need to juggle with my school work while my mind keeps thinking about you. I know its my problem and I don't expect you to understand how I feel. I don't want you to feel bad, I don't want pity nor niceness i just hope you understand. I like the way you are the person you are now is just what i always wanted. But I really hate it because you are so busy and you really prefer things at your convenience too. I really don't know what to do anymore. Maybe i should just give everything a break. Thinking about this hurts. I will really miss you. Lets try this and see how it goes ba. Until i get some new ideas i guess. BB I am sorry once again.

Thanks

Finally its Sunday and end of the week. Hope next week is better. Thank you for spending time with me. Though its short and we wasted time with you irritating me and not talking to me and stuff but it was really nice to spend some time walking around town with you lah. Sometimes I really think you are just trying to make things hard for me lah, at the end of the day I really think you enjoy being out with me. Just glad that I can make you happy lah. 

I expected you two to go out and spend more time after he picks you up lah. It always happens. Not that I want to complain but he really get to spend sooooo much time with you I can't help but feel jealous. Hes in your dance, he gets to sleep over, he gets eat with you, gets to send you home, gets to watch movies with you, gets you to buy food for him. How can it not bother me right? But what can I do? I cant ask for more. Lan lan suck thumb lor. You probably at his place lah dunno lah dunwanna ttm also. I am happy today lah but it seems that you won't be messaging me tonight le. Shrugs as long as you happy ba. I will try to be happy tonight. 

Sad

I really wanted to watch slumdog with you. I really wanted to spend some time just you and me. I really wanted to go out and shop and have fun with you. I really shouldn't have expected so much. I know it isnt't fair for me to ask more from you also. But I just can't help but wish and expect more sometimes. If you ever read this, maybe you will finally know how i feel about you? I don't know. Maybe to you I am just some dumb guy who is willing to wait and maybe I mean only that to you?

How I wish I could record down this momment and play it back everytime i start expecting stuff. At least in that way i could stop it before it hurts like it does now. I hate to feel disappointed. That is why I escape it by not putting in effort in things in JC. But since the 1st sem in uni, I have put in 101% in everything I do and make sure I do not escape from disappointment anymore. The only way to do so is to expect and live up to the expectations that I have set for myself. But the situation with you is different. Even if i put in 1010% or even 200% it does not mean anything at all unless you like me. I am sad, disappointed not because of you but because theres simply nothing I can do and I probably meant as little to you as I have guessed.

Can't tell you how you feel. You are not telling me how you feel. We are just doing stuff and not thinking nor talking abt stuff. Is this what you want? Is this what I want? I am really tired. Really. You are one girl that really makes me very very confused all the time. Sometimes I really hope I can not like you so much. Sometimes I really try to talk to other gals but it does not work tat way i guess. Theres really no more room for anyone else. I know I will wait, but how much more painful times will I go through in the future? I only know I still like you enough to bear with this pain and wait.

Please make tomorrow a good day. I really had enough shit this week. Need to fucking hang on manz. Please take this fucking pain away.

Sorry

Felt really bad to have upset you. Although in a sense its not a big thing but yea I understand that I am in the wrong and I should have gotten carried away from playing tap tap and ignored the fact that I was supposed to charge your itouch. Glad that you are talking to me again and glad to know you care. It was a bad day for me and its nice to talk to ya althoug, once again you refuse to tell me more stuff about yourself. Just really want to know you better. There person you were the and the person you are. 

Seeing me at Fong Seng might probably be fate again I guess. Jio-ed my friend there in hope that I might get to meet you there although I know you probably will be with him. But I guess its ok lah. You arrived when I was leaving anyway. Looking at your bei ying once again. Really hope that instead of the one always at the back wishing and hoping, I could be the one standing right beside you one day.

Actually this week has been good I guess. Got to meet you a few times send ya to dance and had dinner with you. Simple pleasures for me. Guess I have really learnt not to ask for and expect too much. Perhaps I have been too eager to want us to be together but its really the fear of losing some one as special as you which is driving all the nonsense I do. Well I really do still think we are suited for one another. I am probably not the super caring and passive kind of guy like Shayne (thats what I deduced lah) nor am I tall charismatic and attractive like Max but I am me lah I am probably some rojak mixture with more wittyness and irritatingness =). 

Really hope we can go travelling together and get to know each other better. More arguements? Maybe. More unhappiness? Maybe. But I guess thats part and parcel of the process to getting to know each other better ba. Wonder if you really seriously considered me. I hope you did heh. If not I guess I will just to wait till the day when you do. And I will.

FATE

Saw you at fong seng on Monday night. But you were with him. I din say hi. Walked over with eclipse wanted to pass it to you heh yea. Was quite happy to see you there but at the same time sad tat I am not the one accompanying you. Talked abt fate and stuff and sometime i wonder, are we fated or not? I really don't know why but I really think you are the one for me... maybe it scares you but I really don't know how to explain. Everythings so comfortable and it all seems right. I don't know if you feel the same way too... you probably can't be bothered about any of this right now.

Thanks for spending time with me on tuesday!! You came over!!! Though you complained alot and yes your "zhu" is really wrong haha i just kept quiet and agreed. Its quite irritating how u always find out abt my surprises before its supposed to be found out!!! haiya no more snow city le lah. Complain somemore. I need to think of something else le lah. Argh!!

Well its still fun and nice to spend time with you. I guess I also kinda adapted to your evilness and irritatingness also. Just show more care lah I wun take you for granted one lah. Just meet me lah I know you want to also haha.

Haiz... I still like u alot BB. Hugs. Hope at the end of the day, we are really fated.

Kranji Reservoir

Another week has passed and yes I still have tons of work to do. Glad that I could send you to dance on Sat and thrilled that you agreed to spend time and have dinner with me on Sun. Can't help feeling jealous that you are spending so much time with him. I would like to have the same amount of time with you. Lets hope in the future that would happen.

Spending time with you at Kranji was nice. I always wanted to bring my girlfriend there since I first jogged past it in the army. The sky is fantastic, the sea is beautiful and the night view of Malaysia is simply wonderful. Its one of the least well known spots in Singapore which, I feel, could be developed to become a romantic spot at night. Well you are the closest person to a girlfriend I have and I am glad we spent time there, quite some time actually. Things are still more or less the same again with you still irritating and me... well still confused at times. Told you alot of stuff that Jasmine said and I kinda regret now... heh you really know alot about me and I should really stop updating you on how i feel towards you. It kinda empowers you and yea you don't seem to be willing to exchange information.. which is IRRITATING. Really want to know if you like me the same? less? no more feelings? or more?

When we talked about having fun and playing, it scares me. Not that I should mind but I really dont know how to tell you that I am serious and that I do not want just a casual relationship with you. You are important, you really are and I hope by now you already know how important you are to me. The though of me just being one of the many "guys" really scares the crap out of me. But somehow, deep down in me, I know you care and I hope I am right and its not some self fufilling phropercy. 

I know there are things about me that is hard to accept. Height is one issue and I really can't do much about it. I hope it all works out in the future. I know you still want to play and enjoy your youth while you can. I know you have came from a hurtful and disappointing relationship. But I also know I want to make you happy and I really think I can. So I hope in the near future I could have a chance to do just that. Thanks for being in my life girl. I know things can turn out well for us and I hope they do. I really like you BB.