Its not easy

Hmm after watching Benjamin Button with you I have the urge to blog what happened to us down. Hopefully one day I can show it to you when we are together. Maybe you will tell me what you were thinking then. 

We haven't been on many dates, in fact I remember all of them. Our first was dinner at Clementi, then to watch twilight and then redcliff marathon. Following that we went to the reservoir and spent time at the Marina New Yr Celebration thing. We had a talk in West Coast and in Arts and I met you in Marina Sq due to your cancelled photoshoot and we went to my hall production after that. Though we didn't spend Valentines day together, I had a great time on the 15th. Was late picking you up and I felt real bad. Had the honour to bring you and Smokie to walk around East Coast and the walk arounf Ikea was great too. 

Ok fine maybe we did do quite some stuff in the past 2 months. But spending time with you is just great despite your attempts to irritate me and demean me. I really appreciate you taking time off your busy schedule. SOmetimes I really ttm and felt we will be together soon. It just feels so right to me. Apparently you do not share the same sentiments. I really feel bad for pressuring you at this time but sometimes I just find it hard to resist this urge to see you. I really don't want to lose you bb. But sometimes I feel that I already am and you are just going out with me so that I won't feel sad and you don't feel bad. 

Last night you did not msg me call me nor chat on msn with me. I did not msg ya good night too. Today I msged you good morning. I know we have agreed to be just friends. It hurts and it scares me. I really want to be happy like before and not be suffering for love like now. But i guess its inevitable and i got myself into this situation. 

I miss you BB i really do. More than you can imagine. But if this is what you want, if this is what is good for you and me and if this if for the better in the future, I will still force myself to do it. I hope I just get some reassurance now and then and I will be fine. Jas said wad we did was good I hope shes right. I hope we are right and I hope I can see you soon.