Les pages de ma Vie

Ran out of ideas

2009-03-09T01:29:00.002+08:00

I hate to disturb people I really do. I just want to spend time with you. Now I can't even drive you around. Really left with no choice. I really dunno wad to do le heh really confused now. I am trying my best to make things convenient for you, in addition still need to consider if I would be irritating you. Not as easy task. I need to juggle with my school work while my mind keeps thinking about you. I know its my problem and I don't expect you to understand how I feel. I don't want you to feel bad, I don't want pity nor niceness i just hope you understand. I like the way you are the person you are now is just what i always wanted. But I really hate it because you are so busy and you really prefer things at your convenience too. I really don't know what to do anymore. Maybe i should just give everything a break. Thinking about this hurts. I will really miss you. Lets try this and see how it goes ba. Until i get some new ideas i guess. BB I am sorry once again.

Thanks

2009-03-08T02:15:00.002+08:00

Finally its Sunday and end of the week. Hope next week is better. Thank you for spending time with me. Though its short and we wasted time with you irritating me and not talking to me and stuff but it was really nice to spend some time walking around town with you lah. Sometimes I really think you are just trying to make things hard for me lah, at the end of the day I really think you enjoy being out with me. Just glad that I can make you happy lah.

I expected you two to go out and spend more time after he picks you up lah. It always happens. Not that I want to complain but he really get to spend sooooo much time with you I can't help but feel jealous. Hes in your dance, he gets to sleep over, he gets eat with you, gets to send you home, gets to watch movies with you, gets you to buy food for him. How can it not bother me right? But what can I do? I cant ask for more. Lan lan suck thumb lor. You probably at his place lah dunno lah dunwanna ttm also. I am happy today lah but it seems that you won't be messaging me tonight le. Shrugs as long as you happy ba. I will try to be happy tonight.

Sad

2009-03-07T02:12:00.004+08:00

I really wanted to watch slumdog with you. I really wanted to spend some time just you and me. I really wanted to go out and shop and have fun with you. I really shouldn't have expected so much. I know it isnt't fair for me to ask more from you also. But I just can't help but wish and expect more sometimes. If you ever read this, maybe you will finally know how i feel about you? I don't know. Maybe to you I am just some dumb guy who is willing to wait and maybe I mean only that to you?

How I wish I could record down this momment and play it back everytime i start expecting stuff. At least in that way i could stop it before it hurts like it does now. I hate to feel disappointed. That is why I escape it by not putting in effort in things in JC. But since the 1st sem in uni, I have put in 101% in everything I do and make sure I do not escape from disappointment anymore. The only way to do so is to expect and live up to the expectations that I have set for myself. But the situation with you is different. Even if i put in 1010% or even 200% it does not mean anything at all unless you like me. I am sad, disappointed not because of you but because theres simply nothing I can do and I probably meant as little to you as I have guessed.

Can't tell you how you feel. You are not telling me how you feel. We are just doing stuff and not thinking nor talking abt stuff. Is this what you want? Is this what I want? I am really tired. Really. You are one girl that really makes me very very confused all the time. Sometimes I really hope I can not like you so much. Sometimes I really try to talk to other gals but it does not work tat way i guess. Theres really no more room for anyone else. I know I will wait, but how much more painful times will I go through in the future? I only know I still like you enough to bear with this pain and wait.

Please make tomorrow a good day. I really had enough shit this week. Need to fucking hang on manz. Please take this fucking pain away.

Sorry

2009-03-06T16:42:00.002+08:00

Felt really bad to have upset you. Although in a sense its not a big thing but yea I understand that I am in the wrong and I should have gotten carried away from playing tap tap and ignored the fact that I was supposed to charge your itouch. Glad that you are talking to me again and glad to know you care. It was a bad day for me and its nice to talk to ya althoug, once again you refuse to tell me more stuff about yourself. Just really want to know you better. There person you were the and the person you are.

Seeing me at Fong Seng might probably be fate again I guess. Jio-ed my friend there in hope that I might get to meet you there although I know you probably will be with him. But I guess its ok lah. You arrived when I was leaving anyway. Looking at your bei ying once again. Really hope that instead of the one always at the back wishing and hoping, I could be the one standing right beside you one day.

Actually this week has been good I guess. Got to meet you a few times send ya to dance and had dinner with you. Simple pleasures for me. Guess I have really learnt not to ask for and expect too much. Perhaps I have been too eager to want us to be together but its really the fear of losing some one as special as you which is driving all the nonsense I do. Well I really do still think we are suited for one another. I am probably not the super caring and passive kind of guy like Shayne (thats what I deduced lah) nor am I tall charismatic and attractive like Max but I am me lah I am probably some rojak mixture with more wittyness and irritatingness =).

Really hope we can go travelling together and get to know each other better. More arguements? Maybe. More unhappiness? Maybe. But I guess thats part and parcel of the process to getting to know each other better ba. Wonder if you really seriously considered me. I hope you did heh. If not I guess I will just to wait till the day when you do. And I will.

FATE

2009-03-03T15:18:00.002+08:00

Saw you at fong seng on Monday night. But you were with him. I din say hi. Walked over with eclipse wanted to pass it to you heh yea. Was quite happy to see you there but at the same time sad tat I am not the one accompanying you. Talked abt fate and stuff and sometime i wonder, are we fated or not? I really don't know why but I really think you are the one for me... maybe it scares you but I really don't know how to explain. Everythings so comfortable and it all seems right. I don't know if you feel the same way too... you probably can't be bothered about any of this right now.

Thanks for spending time with me on tuesday!! You came over!!! Though you complained alot and yes your "zhu" is really wrong haha i just kept quiet and agreed. Its quite irritating how u always find out abt my surprises before its supposed to be found out!!! haiya no more snow city le lah. Complain somemore. I need to think of something else le lah. Argh!!

Well its still fun and nice to spend time with you. I guess I also kinda adapted to your evilness and irritatingness also. Just show more care lah I wun take you for granted one lah. Just meet me lah I know you want to also haha.

Haiz... I still like u alot BB. Hugs. Hope at the end of the day, we are really fated.

Kranji Reservoir

2009-03-02T06:50:00.005+08:00

Another week has passed and yes I still have tons of work to do. Glad that I could send you to dance on Sat and thrilled that you agreed to spend time and have dinner with me on Sun. Can't help feeling jealous that you are spending so much time with him. I would like to have the same amount of time with you. Lets hope in the future that would happen.

Spending time with you at Kranji was nice. I always wanted to bring my girlfriend there since I first jogged past it in the army. The sky is fantastic, the sea is beautiful and the night view of Malaysia is simply wonderful. Its one of the least well known spots in Singapore which, I feel, could be developed to become a romantic spot at night. Well you are the closest person to a girlfriend I have and I am glad we spent time there, quite some time actually. Things are still more or less the same again with you still irritating and me... well still confused at times. Told you alot of stuff that Jasmine said and I kinda regret now... heh you really know alot about me and I should really stop updating you on how i feel towards you. It kinda empowers you and yea you don't seem to be willing to exchange information.. which is IRRITATING. Really want to know if you like me the same? less? no more feelings? or more?

When we talked about having fun and playing, it scares me. Not that I should mind but I really dont know how to tell you that I am serious and that I do not want just a casual relationship with you. You are important, you really are and I hope by now you already know how important you are to me. The though of me just being one of the many "guys" really scares the crap out of me. But somehow, deep down in me, I know you care and I hope I am right and its not some self fufilling phropercy.

I know there are things about me that is hard to accept. Height is one issue and I really can't do much about it. I hope it all works out in the future. I know you still want to play and enjoy your youth while you can. I know you have came from a hurtful and disappointing relationship. But I also know I want to make you happy and I really think I can. So I hope in the near future I could have a chance to do just that. Thanks for being in my life girl. I know things can turn out well for us and I hope they do. I really like you BB.

Can't Help Falling in Love with You

2009-02-27T21:15:00.001+08:00

BB... heh this song says it all hmm one day just one day I hope you will feel this way too. =)

Wise men say only fools rush in

but I can't help falling in love with you

Shall I stay

would it be a sin

If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea

Darling so it goes

some things are meant to be

take my hand, take my whole life too

for I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea

Darling so it goes

some things are meant to be

take my hand, take my whole life too

for I can't help falling in love with you

Appreciated

2009-02-27T21:03:00.003+08:00

It really feels nice to be appreciated and loved by you. Hmm sending you to RP yesterday was a happy day for me coz we havent seen each other since sunday. You were real nice and sweet.

Guess its my fault to assume i could do it on Sat again? Hmm its not like i am not sad that you are going out with him. But yea guess i have no right to say anything. Hope u message me after you come back from Zouk.

Cant help but think about us again today. Its tirng and I still havent finished studying. I hope what Jas said about you is exactly whats happening. I hope you are giving me a change. I will wait. I really mean it. And yes I have been waiting for you for a number of nights and it means alot to me if you called or messaged me. No point lying to the blog right? Haha

You and Me

2009-02-25T16:07:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i wonder if you are testing me or its just that you really don't care at all. It just seems that i am not important at all compared to everything else that you need to do. Do you come to me as a last resort? Because no matter what you know i will always be there? You know waiting ain't such a fun think after all. Really admire those who wait for gals for years for the gals to fall in love with them. Maybe you have lost interest in me and already find me boring. *Shrugs* I really hope not. Really just need some attention sometimes also... tell me you do care and you do think about me and make me feel more important. I know i sound like a freaking wuss here but ya i cant help it coz i am in love?

Just hope you could call me like after your dance before you sleep, chat a little before you do work msg me a good morning of some sort. It would be real nice. Sorry that I am still irritating you but i am trying and its been much better than before right?

Its real nice to talk to you and to go out with you and it still is. Really missed all the times we have spent together. I guess its a price to pay for being too happy... since things are usually relative... being super happy means i gotta suffer equally after that and i guess this is the time that i am suffering ba. Not a bad thing, it keeps me going at times. Makes me look forward for better times, but it also bring much disappointment. Can't help it.

Really need to catch up on alot of work too. I really don't know what will happen to you and me in the future. But i really hope you and me will become us someday. I really miss you bb but all i can do now is hope and pray.

Missing you

2009-02-24T11:42:00.002+08:00

Dinner with you on Sunday was refreshing and I was glad that you are not mood swinging by then. Like i said, its not that i want to be wishy washy but its so hard to leave you sometimes not knowing when we are going to meet again. I never understood this kinda feeling until now. Haha now all the ancient poems start making sense to me and i finally understand the pain and sadness in the absence of a loved one. Nonetheless, I really am happy on Sunday. Looks like Sundays are days that I can spend time and be happy with you i guess. I hope this continues.

On the other hand, Mondays seems to be the worst days of the week for you and me. Your internet is crank and you don't really reply my messages. I understand that you are busy but I am too. I really hope we can just chat like for a few minutes at night before you sleep wish you good night and hear your voice. I wish that I can wake up in the morning to your sms or at least reply to me when you wake up. Might not be important to you but it does make my day for me to receive them.

Theres so much work and i am so tired. Bb i really miss you and ya.. i need you.. but i cant tell you that now. I only can wish upon this silly blog and hope that one day... maybe just one fine day... you will understand how i feel and feel the same way too.

Mood Swings

2009-02-22T08:00:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i don't really understand why we can be happy one minute then you will be pissed at me and chase me away the next minute. These mood swings thingy are rather bewildering. Had a great night talking to ya and stuff and I am very happy to be able to spend some time with you. I really don't think you like me yet. Well I guess if this is to carry on I will have to get used to it. No need to worry about you getting pissed anymore because you always do. I think I finally know what you want for now. Hope it will change ba. Not that this situation isn't good but I really hope that you will be my true love bb. Shrugs. Lets see how things goes ba. I guess I will be able to live with you mood swings soon.

Its not easy

2009-02-21T10:37:00.003+08:00

Hmm after watching Benjamin Button with you I have the urge to blog what happened to us down. Hopefully one day I can show it to you when we are together. Maybe you will tell me what you were thinking then.

We haven't been on many dates, in fact I remember all of them. Our first was dinner at Clementi, then to watch twilight and then redcliff marathon. Following that we went to the reservoir and spent time at the Marina New Yr Celebration thing. We had a talk in West Coast and in Arts and I met you in Marina Sq due to your cancelled photoshoot and we went to my hall production after that. Though we didn't spend Valentines day together, I had a great time on the 15th. Was late picking you up and I felt real bad. Had the honour to bring you and Smokie to walk around East Coast and the walk arounf Ikea was great too.

Ok fine maybe we did do quite some stuff in the past 2 months. But spending time with you is just great despite your attempts to irritate me and demean me. I really appreciate you taking time off your busy schedule. SOmetimes I really ttm and felt we will be together soon. It just feels so right to me. Apparently you do not share the same sentiments. I really feel bad for pressuring you at this time but sometimes I just find it hard to resist this urge to see you. I really don't want to lose you bb. But sometimes I feel that I already am and you are just going out with me so that I won't feel sad and you don't feel bad.

Last night you did not msg me call me nor chat on msn with me. I did not msg ya good night too. Today I msged you good morning. I know we have agreed to be just friends. It hurts and it scares me. I really want to be happy like before and not be suffering for love like now. But i guess its inevitable and i got myself into this situation.

I miss you BB i really do. More than you can imagine. But if this is what you want, if this is what is good for you and me and if this if for the better in the future, I will still force myself to do it. I hope I just get some reassurance now and then and I will be fine. Jas said wad we did was good I hope shes right. I hope we are right and I hope I can see you soon.